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(Inspired by "Why Beer is Better than Women" and "Why Doom is Better than Women", from back-in-the-day) |
| Giant robots don't get headaches. Giant robots don't suddenly discover they need their monthly fluid flush just after the start of a climactic battle. When I upgrade to a newer, snazzier giant robot, I can keep the old one in my hangar indefinitely, taking it out for a nostalgic spin on a whim. If a group of giant robots return to the factory from which they originated, they don't squabble over their manufacturer's profits for months then stop talking to each other for years. Giant robots don't spontaneously purchase frivolous powerups and accessories for themselves just because they're "on sale". Giant robots never ask me, "Does this power armour make me look fat?" Giant robots never lease expensive (if snazzy) transportation while I'm away on vacation. Giant robots never want to go dancing, camping, or to the opera. Giant robots never get fat. Giant robots never get knocked up, either. Knocked about, sure, but that's easy to deal with. Sometimes a buddy will let me take his super-high-end giant robot, which I could never afford, for a test drive, just to show off. If another guy has a giant robot I really want, I can challenge him to a duel to the death. If I win, I get his robot; if I lose, I'm dead, so I don't care anymore. Giant robots are (imaginary, just machines), so if one day I wake up and just don't care anymore, and want nothing further to do with them, it's ok. If my giant robot malfunctions, I can have it fixed. If it keeps malfunctioning, I can sell it or scrap it. I can always upgrade my giant robot to have bigger guns. Larger giant robots are actually more respectable. I can curse and swear at my giant robot for hours and it won't cry. I can test drive new giant robots when I'm away on vacation and mine will still be fully functional when I get home. Giant robots don't have credit cards. My mom won't bat an eyelash if I decorate my room with giant robot posters and miniatures. Giant robots don't mind if I don't call for over a month. In fact, I never have to call them. Giant robots don’t have biological clocks. Authored by Robodork (c) 2003 - Turbo2k |
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